Monday, January 2, 2012

Jessypt Week 85: A Hearty Helping of Fiber


Picture 1

Picture 2

Jessypt's Choice: Picture 2


A Hearty Helping of Fiber

“I hate being on a diet,” I muttered to myself as I dug through the pantry and refrigerator in search of the ingredients I needed.

Brownie Mix. Check.

Chocolate Chips. Check.

Oil. Check.

Eggs. Check.

Black Beans. Ugh. Stupid Weight Watchers. Check.

I placed them all on the counter and made quick work of dumping everything in the mixing bowl. When I got to the black beans, I paused and double-checked the recipe.

Drain black beans and puree. Then add to brownie batter.

I looked around my small, ill-equipped college kitchen and wished for the millionth time that I had a food processor. I dug through the drawers and didn’t come up with anything that would get those beans smashed up enough. I was about to scratch the whole thing when my eyes landed on the blender.

Perfect, I thought and dumped the contents into the shiny, glass pitcher. I pressed the puree button and watched as the little black beans turned soupy. I pulled off the lid, and the smell instantly made my nose wrinkle in disgust. Whoever thought putting beans in dessert was seriously hurting for some chocolate.

Oh, wait. That was me.

Feeling a little sick to my stomach, I poured the black sludge into the batter. The smell was disgusting, but fortunately, the chocolate smelled better. I mixed it all together, poured the goopy batter into the pan full of white ramekins, and placed the whole thing in the oven.

As I cleaned up the kitchen, my roommate walked in with a bag full of groceries.

“Hey, girl,” Diana said. “What’s in the oven?”

“Chocolate soufflés.”

She cocked her head at me. “I thought you were on a diet.”

“I am, but I found this recipe on the Weight Watchers website for black bean brownies. So ... I’m improvising.”

She grimaced. “That sounds disgusting.”

I laughed. “I know, but I’m desperate. And all the reviews were good.”

She rolled her eyes and walked away just as the oven timer buzzed.

I pulled out the puffy, bubbly gems and grinned. They looked great. Exactly like the picture, and I couldn’t wait to dig in.

“D! Get in here. Soufflés are ready.”

I sprinkled some powdered sugar on top and then grabbed two forks.

“Smells ... surprisingly good,” she teased as she ripped the fork out of my hand.

With a clink of our fork tines, we dug in.

The first bite was ... interesting. I could taste the chocolate, but it was overpowered by a weird beany flavor. I took another bite and looked at Diana. The expression on her face was priceless. Her mouth was moving around slowly, as if she was trying to savor the flavor but just ... couldn’t.

“So, these are sort of different,” she said diplomatically, and then we both burst out laughing.

“Shut up. You know they suck.”

“Let’s invite the guys over. They’ll love them, and they won’t have a clue.” We both cackled deviously.


Two hours later the guys from the apartment next door walked in. We’d become good friends over the last year. It was very “Friends,” but we ignored the cliché and managed not to date each other.

“Where’s the goods?” Ramon asked, pulling me into a hug.

Ramon and I were best friends, and he knew I was usually an ace in the kitchen.

“In the kitchen,” I said, pointing down the hall and patting his afro. “Go!”

Tim, Justin, and Dave followed after him, and as they descended, it sounded like wolves had taken over the place. Chairs scraped the floor. Forks clanked against empty ceramic. And “hell yeahs” echoed in the corridor.

Diana and I could barely contain our laughter. They had totally fallen for it, which wasn’t surprising, just disgusting.

We walked in there, mischievous grins on our faces.

“So ... what did you think?” I asked, leaning casually back against the wall.

Heads nodded and grins spread across their faces. “Have some more with us,” Tim said as he dug into his third one.

“That’s okay. We both had one earlier,” I said. It took everything not to allow the grin I was fighting to spread across my face.

Ramon looked at me, squinted his eyes, and cocked his head. “What?”

“What?” Diana and I both said innocently at the same time.

He pointed his finger at us. “I know you two are up to something. Give it up.”

I burst out laughing. “There. Are. Beans. In. There,” I said, between giggles.

“What?” Justin asked, confused.

“She put black beans in there,” Diana said.

It was one of those classic moments where forks stopped mid air, mouths hung open mid bite, and the guys were all speechless.

“What?” they all asked.

“You heard her. Black beans.”

“But ... but why?” Ramon lamented, his face all twisted up.

I told them the story about finding the recipe online, needing something that was high in fiber, and wanting to get my chocolate fix.

“And you thought black beans was the way to go?” Ramon asked.

I shrugged. “You didn’t seem to mind it earlier.”

They all laughed and dug in. We spent the rest of the evening laughing and playing until late in the night. Exhausted, they all got up.

“You guys want to take the rest of these home?” I asked as we piled dishes in the sink.


Later that night, as we were headed to bed, Diana stopped and said, “Thank God we’re not at their apartment. Can you imagine ... with all those beans?”


Alby Mangroves said...

HAHAHA! That was great, very funny :D That image is so evil. I can feel a presence in the pantry, hiding on the top shelf, calling me! LOL all your fault!