Friday, December 31, 2010

Miss Beckie Louise Week 32: That Night

Miss Beckie Louise

Picture 1

Picture 2

Miss Beckie Louise's Choice: Both

That Night

Sitting here now, in the dark, the sun just managing to get through a tiny crack of the window, I closed my eyes. I can't remember much of that night. Just this party I went to and a guy and some lights and I also think I got naked.

I hate that I can't remember because now that night has left me with severe consequences. I'm pregnant. Yes, that's right. Eighteen and knocked up, great line for a movie, no? Either way, my life is never going to be the same again.
I won't be able to go out anymore, and if I do, I'll only be thinking of the little one. I could get an abortion.
No, I don't want to be a murderer. Adoption? And have some little person wondering why I gave them away in the first place only to have a knock at the door twenty years later with a person on the other side saying, “Hi, I think you're my mum.” I don't think so, somehow.

So now, I have no idea what to do. I wish I could remember something... That guy, all I can remember is the way his lips felt on mine, how he made me feel like the most important person in the world. How he cared for me and treated me only to have him dump me on the side of the road like nothing.

The feeling of being used and getting shoved away. The way life is always getting the wrong end of the stick and showing me the shitty end. I want the nice clean side for a change. Is that going to be possible one day?

For now, I have no idea and at the moment, I can think of one thing and one thing only.

I'm going to be a mum.