Thursday, December 16, 2010

Burntcore Week 30: Surprises


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Burntcore's Choice: Both


After speaking with Moira, I felt a little better about the situation with Cory. We covered several truths during our session with her crystal ball. She was a litlte kooky but I loved her that much more for her indivuality.

Moira said she “saw” several things in her crystal ball about Cory and I, of our past, present, and our future. The way she said “our future” made it sound like our ftures were entertwined. She made a comment that Cory and I were like barbed wire, seemingly in union with one another but with the occasional snare breaking the wires apart. The snares were moments of strife or discord in our relationship. All of this was wrapped around a budding flower of love, whose petals could be easily bruised if a snare got too close or became too numerous.

She started to lose me as she continued to ramble about barbed wire and roses and the wire gotting to close to the flower and smothering it. The gist I got was that Cory and I were connected, even with the occasional ups and downs, through the alcohol and separation, and with careful consdieration, we could move on and nuture our little flower of love.

I rolled my eyes at Moira’s mystic bend and just appreciated that my friend was trying to tell me to go for it. It was amazing that such a simple thought could be stretched out into an entire evening with star charts, crystal balls, tarot cards, and wine. Lots and lots of wine. However, it made me more sure than ever that I needed to give Cory a second chance.

He must’ve been feeling the same way. By the time I returned from Moira’s that night, there was an email from Cory waiting for me. I hadn’t heard much from him this week but I was glad for that. He had sent a quick email on Sunday thanking me for meeting up with him and that it was great to see me. Cory added that he’d email me again later. Apparently Thursday was later. He knew me well though, he knew as Moira did, that I needed space to work something out. If he had started emailing me a bunch right off the rip, it would just frustrate and push me away.

I sat in front of my computer and read his email. It was friendly and polite, as his others had been. There was still an undercurrent of hope and it seemed like there was a lot he wasn’t saying, that he was holding back for now. I appreciated that he seemed to understand that things needed to go slow if it was going to work. My love for him had never gone away but my trust had. He had to earn it back for our relationship to have a future.

Cory asked to meet again this weekend, but this time at a park in the area. I also noticed that he was keeping everything out in public places. I wondered if this was for my benefit or his. I typed out a quick response agreeing to meet at Lincoln Park at two o’clock on Saturday. He said he had a surprise planned for me. I was intrigued. In the past, surprises by him had always been pleasant. Now that so much time had passed, I could only imagine what he had store for us.

I tried not to think too much about our “date” at work on Friday. Thankfully the Center was pretty busy so I was able to keep my mind occupied most of the time. It was only on my break that my mind started to wander. Unfortunately, my mind had a tendency to run off on its own quite frequently. I tried to keep it reined in but it was easier said than done. Before I knew it, my overactive imagination had gone through several scenarios involving our future. Some were good, some were bad. All served to get me wound up tighter than a virgin the day of her wedding.

Thinking of weddings and sex was not a good idea. It made me remember too much what it was like to be with Cory. When things were good between us, things were good. I definitely did not have any complaints on his ability as a lover. I was saved from that track of thought by the clock. My break was over so I took a deep cleansing breath and returned to my desk. In the span of the hour, my desk was covered with files. Groaning, I plopped down in my chair and pushed thoughts of Cory to the side.

Saturday I was a bundle of nerves. I wasn’t really sure why. It wasn’t like this was a first date or anything. Regardless, I took more time than usual to do my hair and make-up. I even put on a dress. So I wouldn’t freeze in the fall temperatures, I grabbed a wool blanket to take with me.

Driving to the park, my hands pounded out a staccato rhythm to the songs to the radio. My nerves were having their way with me and it seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop it. At least the music on the radio was good.

There weren’t very many people at the park this time of year. It was sunny out but still chilly. I grabbed my purse and my blanket as I got out of my car and scanned the area. I finally saw Cory across the field near the trees, sitting on a steamer trunk. How did he get a steamer trunk out here without a car? Seeing him in this manner instantly eradicated my nerves. With a laugh, I walked towards him, never taking my eyes off of him as he never took his eyes off of me.

“How on earth did you get this out here?” I asked as he hopped down from the trunk.

Cory smiled at me and gave a little wave. “I asked my sponsor to help me get this out here. He knew it was important.”

I blushed and played with the edge of my blanket. “What’s in it?”

Cory looked down at the grass, suddenly shy. “Um, just a few things. Memories, and maybe a surprise.”

I quirked an eyebrow at him as my curiosity was piqued. He always did have the best surprises. Emboldened, I rushed over the few steps between us and hugged him. Cory’s body stiffened in my arms in surprise but quickly relaxed as I felt his arms wrap around me.

We stood there for several moments, wrapped in each others arms in comfortable silence. I heard him sigh softly in relief and pleasure, his breath brushing past my ears.

“Holly, you have no idea how much I have longed for this,” he whispered. “I have no expectations but I hoped, I hoped so fervently that I could touch you again, that I could hug you and hold you in my arms. I never thought I’d get so lucky to have you in my life twice.”

I buried my face into his chest and tried to fight the smile on my face. His words made me happy but we still had a long ways to go. I didn’t want to just blindly jump in. If he hurt me again, I wasn’t sure if I could survive it again.

While I tried to keep myself anchored in reality, his scent enveloped me. I held him tighter and just allowed myself to exist with him in this moment. Right now, we weren’t separate individuals. He wasn’t a recovering alcoholic. I wasn’t jaded about life. We just were. We just were there together.

I liked it. I liked it a lot. I really hoped Moira was right.