Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I Wish I Was Esme Week 32: Love is Blind

I Wish I Was Esme

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I Wish I Was Esme's Choice: Picture 1

Love is Blind

Maggie POV

Sitting in my little spot of heaven, I started thinking of Reese. We hadn’t talked in months, not after he confessed his secret. It wasn’t because I didn’t accept him, because I did. It was because he ran away after seeing the shock on my face and refused to talk to me. To me, being transgendered wasn’t a huge thing, it just meant that he was born the wrong way. He was born as Emalia Jeanine, a girl, yet in his mind and in his heart he was a boy and always would be.

I missed him more than I wanted to admit, he was my only friend in this po-dunk town that I called home. Being close to him, I always noticed that there was something wrong with him, like he was hiding something. He never invited me over to his house or introduced me to his family. Now I knew, It was because his parents didn’t accept him, and they expected him to act and be a girl. When he spilled all of he was to me, he explained that while he was at home he dressed and did his hair as a woman. His parents didn’t make him act like Mia in public though, they knew that if they pushed him he would just move out and be himself. He was technically an adult, at eighteen, yet he didn’t have the resources he would need to live on his own.

Reese was accepted to Berkley early, receiving a full ride football scholarship as long as he kept his grades up the rest of our senior year. It baffles me how he could ever play football, though, because he would have to change in front of the other players. Maybe he had an understanding with the coach or something. All I knew was that he looked like a boy, with his strong jaw and short, light brown hair flecked with golden and red natural highlights. He was exceptionally good at football, he played quarterback and was the best player on the team. Scouts came from all over the country just to watch him play - leading the panthers to three straight state championships, and they were on their way to their fourth. Just barely though, because his game had been worse the last few months, and I couldn’t help thinking that I was the reason. After confessing that he was trans, he also confessed that he was in love with me and had been since he moved here his freshman year.

He left before I even had the chance to reply, he never realized that I would have said the exact same thing. The next few weeks I had fallen into a sort of desperate depression, I called his house at least five times a day, hoping that he would answer the phone. Instead, it was his mom, and every time I would ask for Reese, she would hang up. I would go into my room and cry, wishing that he would just talk to me so I could tell him I don’t care. That I would always be his friend. That I would always love him, no matter what he said or did.

I broke out of my reverie and stared up at the sky as it started raining, not caring that the grass I was sitting on was going to turn to mud and leave me dirty. My tears started mixing with the rain as I pounded my hands against the ground, screaming at the unjustness of it all. The emptiness in my chest growing with each tear that sprang from my eyes.

“Maggie, what are you doing?” My eyes scrambled to find the man's face. The rain blurring my vision as I craned my neck up. My breath stopped as I saw who it was.

Reese POV

I stopped when I saw who was in the meadow, sucking in my breath I fought against the flood of emotions running through my veins.


My hands started shaking as I paced back and forth in-front of Maggie, the binding on my chest shifting uncomfortably as I started sweating. I had to tell her, the urge to let out my secret was too large to ignore but there was only one person I could tell.

Maggie. With her flowing red curly hair that’s soft to the touch. The soft curves that I hated on my self, yet I longed to reach out and touch on her.

“I have something I need to tell you,” My voice cracked with emotion as I spoke the truth. “I’m transgendered, I was born female and I think I love you. My parents hate that I’m trans and that I’m not Mia Jeanine anymore and refuse to call me Reese.” Looking into her eyes, I saw shock and a tinge of disappointment. Then, I ran.

*end flashback*

After the meeting, I ran home and turned off my cell phone. That didn’t deter her though, she called the house phone day after day. I never answered, even though I knew who was calling. Knowing my mom would hang up after she heard the name Reese uttered. Sure I felt guilty, but the look in her face showed me that she could never accept me, never want me. I knew that we both would be better off if we never talked again. Come fall, I would be going off to Berkley and she would be doing something. We wouldn’t see each other after the summer so I just cut us off a little earlier than expected.

Doing this to her tore me apart, it wasn’t her fault that I just happened to become friends with her. I found myself not caring about anything. Slacking off at school and in football, knowing that it could hurt my scholarship, but finding that I really didn’t care that much. Never eating unless I was forced to. Sleep hadn’t found me in weeks, and when it did, it was because I was exhausted from crying. I couldn’t even bring myself to care that my parents had stopped making me wear girl clothes at home.

The kids at school gawked at me, taking in the changes of my disheveled state. My hair had even lost its shine, no matter how much i washed it, it came out greasy, as if my body was attuned to my emotions and started feeding off them. Coach came up to me one day and asked if anything was wrong, I just sighed and said no. He is the only one at school who knew about me being trans; I had to tell him when I first started here and got on the team. What I didn’t expect was his reaction, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. Telling me everything would be Okay, while I sobbed into his chest.

He helped me to change my schedule so that I could get to the locker rooms early and change before the others got there. He told me not to worry about it, and that he had some people that would help him, no questions asked. The other kids just thought I was dedicated and shrugged it off. I always stayed after practise to clean up, so everyone was already in the individual showers by the time I got there. No one had ever seen anything, which I was glad for because explaining away not having a penis and having DD breasts would be hard.

God, how I hated having to bind my breasts every day. It hurt like hell and was what I imagined a corset would feel like. But it was necessary. Just like stuffing a pair of socks down my pants so that it looked like I had a penis. Luckily, I had unusually large feet and hands, so I didn’t have to hear people call me dainty. I learned, with time, to make my voice lower so that my peers wouldn’t bully me.

My memories stopped cold when I heard her screaming. As my eyes widened while seeing her pound her fists on the muddy ground. My heart felt like it was being tore out of my body, the pain indescribable. I ran forward, ignoring the rain pouring down and the mud sloshing into my shoes.

“Maggie, what are you doing?” I obviously knew what she was doing, yet her answer was surprising.

“I’m dying, on the inside, knowing that you wont talk to me when I know your suffering just as much as me.” I stopped, stunned that she was still upset. She was supposed to get over our friendship. It should have been a clean break; she should have found new friends that were normal.

“B-but I’m a freak,” I responded and eagerly awaited her reply.

“And I’m a weirdo, what else is new,” she huffed out, “Your still the same guy I fell in love with, Reese.” Her voice came out barely a whisper.

I choked on nothing as I heard what she said. Then stumbling forward a few steps, I knelt down in front of her. Grasping her head in my hands, I tilted her head up so that I could see her grey eyes.

“Maggie Garrison, I’ve loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you. May I kiss you?” I felt her nod her head against my hands, as soon as she stopped I leaned forward and caught her lips with mine.

She hesitated barely a second before she went wild. Grasping my shirt for leverage, she crushed against me, and even with the pain of her rubbing against my binding, I loved every second of it. Wrapping my arms around her, I grazed my hands down her back before cupping her ass and falling over from the weight. Mud sloshed on us, but we didn’t notice, we were too busy kissing each other. Tracing her bottom lip, begging for entrance, I was yet again surprised when she let my tongue meet hers. Sparks of arousal were sent down my spine. Our tongues danced in a sensuous waltz, both dominating at different times. There seemed to be a force-field around us and nothing took our attention away from each other.

That was, until we had to breathe. Pulling away from each other, we seemed to stare into each others soul.

“Wow,” we both said simultaneously, before I tucked her into my side and we sat and talked for hours.