Friday, May 13, 2011

SwedenSara Week 51: 26 Reasons, from A to Z


Picture 1

Picture 2

SwedenSara’s Choice: Picture 2

26 Reasons, from A to Z

At times, when I’m feeling down and act like a bitch even though there’s no reason for it, he lets me have my moments of complete and utter idiocy without holding it against me.

Before I met him, I felt like I had to constantly prove myself. I don’t feel like that anymore.

Coming home to a messy house and hungry kids after a long day at work sometimes makes me weary, but the fact that he’s there to share it with me brightens my day.

Despite my sometimes bad mood or obnoxious behaviour, all it takes is my arms around his body, a touch on his cheek or a gentle stroke on his back, and he’s happy again, loving me with his entire being.

Even though these are small gestures to most people, for me they mean much more and he sees the significance in them.

For him, making love is about giving me pleasure. He spoils me rotten in bed, and I think I’ll never be able pay him back.

Giving him what he wants is harder than it seems because whenever I ask, he always says he’s more than satisfied. I want to know what to do for him and how to make him feel good, but he always says me loving him is all he’ll ever wish for.

His eyes, his voice, his actions and his devotion tells me he means it.

I still doubt it from time to time though, and it makes me snort unattractively and belittle his feelings. I hate myself when I do that, and I hate that our kids are already picking up the behaviour of their parents.

Just like my husband, our son showers me with kisses, hugs me tightly and presses himself as close as he can possibly get. Just like me, our daughter shies away from affection and calmly turns her cheek to me when I want to kiss her. She’s becoming me, and that makes me sad.

Kissing my husband, with tongue, has become difficult for me. I don’t know why. I used to love the intrusion of his tongue, the taste and the feel of him in my mouth. I’m slowly getting used to it again, and I’m beginning to enjoy the soft, slow kisses. I look forward to enjoying the heavy mouth fucking again.

Loving him is easy. Making love, on the other hand...

Making love has been hard for me during some periods of our marriage. I thought he would grow tired of it and leave me, but he stayed and waited until I grew comfortable with his touch again.

No one will ever fully understand how grateful I am for that.

One of my biggest faults is that it’s very hard for me to tell him I love him, but I do love him and I hope he knows it anyway.

Pain is a part of love, I’ve been told. I’ve been through pain, and I know now that I feel love. I’m grateful for that, and I’m grateful for him.

Question is if I’ve put him through too much pain, and if that will eventually over-shadow the love. That scares me.

Real life is nothing like the fairy-tales. It’s like an angsty novel, a tragedy, a thriller. But if you allow it, it’ll end well anyway. I know that now.

Some people give up way too easily. When the overwhelming love starts to fade and real life comes tumbling down, they leave.

They don’t see the part in the fairy-tales where the lovers have to fight for their love. They don’t remember the obstacles, the hurdles, the evil witches. They only remember the “happily ever after.”

Unless you fight hard for it, the “happily ever after” will never come, and if you don’t fight for it, you don’t deserve it. My husband fought for it. He deserves it.

Vile things will always try to desiccate your feelings and make you doubt your love, but remember the good things, and the darkness will disperse.

Whenever I’m in doubt, I look at him and remember the hardships. Then I remember that he’s still here, loving me, meeting me halfway like he’s always done.

X-axis and Y-axis balance each other, allowing the counterpart to exist on it’s own, and still meeting in the origin of coordinates. That’s how we are. Two lines meeting, extending on our own in different directions, but still grounded and connected the same spot. That’s how I see us.

Years have passed since we met, and I know that he is the reason I’m happy again.

Zooming in on our life together, I see that it’s been hard, challenging and difficult. But I also see that it has made us stronger, and showed us - or me, at least - what love is about. Love is adoring the nice things, and accepting the bad. The mathematics of love always lands us on the positive side of the scale.


Dangrdafne said...

Brilliant!!! Honest and perfect. I adore the use of A to Z. Just incredible.