Sunday
Picture 2
Destiny Cullen’s Choice: Picture 2
Title:
The colors were gone from my life. The endlessness of the road before me just seemed to be confirming what my life has in store for me - nothing.
The desert landscape flew by my window but I couldn’t concentrate on the road. I couldn’t get the images of her out of my head. Her long blonde hair swaying in the wind, her baby blues shining with so much life, and the way she would smile at me. She would make me feel like I hung the moon and stars in the night sky. My chest tightened at the memory of her laughter.
My phone rang and shook me from the memory. I grabbed my cell from the seat, debating answering, when I looked at the caller ID. Dammit, it was my sister Lacy. Guess I’d have to answer this call then shut off my phone.
“Hello?”
“Where are you?!” Her voice screeched. “You better not be doing what I think you are. Allen, are you there? Tell me where you are. Now.”
I sighed loudly, “Lacy don’t worry I’m not going to go off myself.” No, no matter how lovely that thought was, I wasn’t going to risk never seeing Carrie in the afterlife.
“Allen, you know no one blames you, right?” She whispered into the phone.
My hand clenched painfully around the phone. “Don’t go there Lacy.” My voice was thick with venom, I was not going to get into this conversation again.
“Everyone is worried about you. It wasn’t your fault. You have to kn-”
“Good bye Lacy.” I cut off the connection and took a deep breath. I rolled down the window letting the hot air whip around me. I tossed the cell phone out of the window and saw it crash onto asphalt. A small smile played around my lips, but it didn’t stay there long.
Before I knew it, I was turning into the cemetery and into Carrie’s own small corner. Turning the car off with shaking hands I looked at her headstone. It had a beautiful picture of her smiling right above her name. The headstone read:
A loving wife, sister and daughter.
Taken from us too soon, you may be gone but you are never forgotten.
The anger and sadness almost over took me, but guilt was like a knife in my gut. Finally getting the strength to get out of the car I walked over to her headstone and placed my hand on the cool stone. Memories of my last night with her flowed through my head as if it were happening for the first time.
Carrie came into the living room pulling her jacket on and getting her purse off the table. “Allen can you drive me to my sisters? She needs someone to help her with the decorations for the party.”
“Come on babe it’s ten o’clock at night. My team is about to play. Besides I’ve had a few beers already, can’t your sister wait until tomorrow? The party doesn’t start until seven. That gives her plenty of time.” I took another swig of my beer thinking she was going to put her purse down and click her tongue at me.
“You know Jamie, she wants things done when and how she says,” she said sighing.
“Jamie just uses you. She only talks to you when she needs something.”
Carrie gasped and narrowed her beautiful blue eyes at me. “Allen, we’ve talked about this. Don’t talk about Jamie like that.”
I scoffed at her. “Honey, you know it, but you just keep letting her use you like a little slave.”
“What about your brother? He asked for a ‘loan’ to start his new contracting business and where is he now? He is in Vegas hiding from you because he used all eight grand on drugs and women. Because of him we didn’t get a honeymoon, but I didn’t complain. At least Jaime hasn’t asked us for money.”
“Yet,” I mumbled, finishing off my beer and slamming it on the table. “Jamie has done nothing for you, she doesn’t respect you. She wore a bright red leather corset to our wedding instead of the maid of honor dress. I know how much that hurt you but you still run back to her so she won’t be mad at you, so you won’t hurt your feelings. You need to get some backbone, Carrie. She’s going to kill you with the way she makes you do everything she says. You’ve just worked twelve hours at the studio and now you’re off to go help your big sister? Oh, excuse me I don’t mean help because that implies that she would have to do something. She doesn’t do shit! You do everything for her!”
She raised her eyebrow in defiance. “You’re really going to go there with me right now? You know what? I don’t need you to drive me anywhere. Enjoy your game, I’ll be spending the night at Jamie’s.” She took a deep breath, lifted her chin, and walked out the door.
“Baby I’m so sorry. I love you so much, I can never tell you how sorry I am. I never should’ve let you go. I saw how tired you were, maybe if I didn’t yell at you. If I hadn’t started a fight, you might still be here with me. I just miss you so much.” I fell to my knees resting my head against the stone. Tears burned their way down my cheeks.
“I-I love you so much, Carrie. This guilt is eating me up inside. It’s my fault you fell asleep on the freeway. If I were there, you would still be alive. I wish I could do that night all over again. I would have never touched a beer or turned on the TV. God, I love you so much. But nothing I do, no matter how much I love you, it won’t bring you back.” I wrapped my arms around the stone and closed my eyes, letting my tears fall and wishing for time to reverse itself or for me to wake up from this nightmare.
“Mister, are you alive? Mister?”
My eyes shot open and I saw a little girl around five years old. Her head was tilted to the side examining me. I noticed that the sun was setting, I must have passed out. “Um.” I stood up trying to shake the stiffness out of my joints.
“What are you doing here?” she said with the same probing look she gave me before.
“I was visiting my wife.” Suddenly I noticed the little girl didn’t have anyone with her. I looked around but I didn’t see any other cars. “What are you doing here? It’s very late.”
The girl stuck her chin out defiantly and crossed her arms almost crushing the flower she was holding in her hand. “I’m a big girl.” I smiled and bent down on one knee so I was eye level with her.
“What’s a big girl like you doing out here at this time?”
She turned her gaze on the flower and held it out to me. “I was going to give it to daddy, but you can give it to your wife.” She held out the small flower and my lips twitched.
“I’m sure my wife would love it but what about your dad? How about I take you to your parents before it gets too dark?”
She narrowed her eyes in determination. “I want your wife to have it. I give my daddy flowers every day.” I nodded and she walked around me to lay the small flower at the base of the headstone.
“Nora? Nora! Where are you?” A woman’s voice was echoing through the graveyard. “Nora, honey, what did I tell you about going off without me?”
“Is that your mom?” I asked as the little girl walked in front of me again.
She nodded, “I want you to meet her. Come see my mommy.” She gripped my hand in her small one and pulled me toward the voice.
“Nora! There you are!” A woman with dark hair ran and picked Nora up in her arms. “What did I say to you before? You don’t go anywhere without me!” Nora gave her mom the biggest puppy dog eyes, no doubt softening up her mom.
“I went looking for a flower for daddy and when I founded one, I saw him. I gave it to his wife instead,” She pointed at me and her mom was surprised to see me. “Honey, you’re not supposed to bother people while we’re visiting your daddy. It’s not nice.”
“It’s fine, really. I was getting ready to leave-”
“I woke him up. He was sleeping and I thought he might be dead.” Nora said all seriousness. I coughed, “Uh, yeah. Thank you for that Nora.”
“No problem.” She said smiling. “Can I give your wife a flower when I bring my daddy flowers? She’s really pretty and she should have pretty flowers.”
“Nora, I don’t think-”
“Mommy, I want to, pleaaaase?” The mother looked at me for help, but then Nora turned her big eyes on me and I couldn’t deny her. “Sure, you can bring Carrie flowers whenever you want, on two conditions.”
Nora nodded her head, all business. “You have to do what your mom says.” She nodded again. “And you have to let me bring flowers for your dad, it’s only fair right?” Nora nodded but added, “I’ll only let you bring flowers to my daddy if you come every day.”
“Nora, you can’t ask that of him.” Her mom said sternly and Nora’s face fell. My heart would have broken in half, if it wasn’t already shattered.
“No, that’s alright. I’ll come every day, I’ll bring flowers for my wife and your dad.”
Nora clapped her hands and smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” He mom smiled at me and mouthed “thank you” as they walked down the rows, stopping to visit Nora’s father. Before I turned to walk away, Nora smiled and waved enthusiastically. I couldn’t help but smile and wave back.
I climbed in my car and headed for the city. I didn’t notice I was still smiling until my cheeks started hurting.
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