Thursday, May 24, 2012

MCGT Week 105: War Waged over Time


Picture 1

Picture 2

MCGT's Choice: Picture 2

War Waged over Time

Flipping through the passage of time, I remembered what it felt like to be young, to be free from the cynical weight the world presses upon you as you age. How had I gotten here? Although I’d arrived at this place in my life, I had little recollection of the winding route that had brought me.

At which point did I become so lost? Where should I have taken the path that led deep into the wood, guiding me to a far different place than where I was now?

I yearned desperately to go back, to scrub my life of the last twenty years and begin adulthood all over again. To try things I’d been too afraid to try. To be the person I hid from others, so unsure of myself and how people might react if they knew who I really was, deep in my very core.

Yet life is an unforgiving master, never yielding or ceasing to press forward. I had no choice but to continue on, with a vow to better what I could, and release the regret of the past. Because no matter how I tried, regret would be a bitter reminder of what I’d given up to follow the fold. Dying my wool white, conforming to what was expected will always be a dark shadow in my eyes. Something that cannot be undone, only remedied if I was strong enough. Willing to give up anything and everything to be who I was meant to be, instead of the carbon copy of everyone else around me.

But talking about it and doing it were two very different things. Weighty and colossal decisions, not to be taken frivolously. Yet time would continue to tick ever on until I finally wrestled my last demon to the ground and taken what was rightfully mine all along.