Tuesday
Picture 2
Destiny Cullen’s Choice: Picture 2
Title:
No one understands what that swing means to me.
No one understands why I can’t let him go.
Nor does anyone see that I’m dying inside and my perfect shell is cracking. Or maybe no one wants to see what is in front of their eyes.
The reality is that he saved my life that day underneath that tree.
But I couldn’t save his.
***
The summer was nothing notable until Aunt Julian came to show off her new husband. I didn’t hate Aunt Julian, I hated her daughter Meg. I went to hide in the back yard to avoid all the drama.
I heard shoes crunching in the gravel and I sighed. I should’ve known she’d follow me out.
“What are you doing here?” I said while half heartedly pumping my legs on the swing.
“Oh nothing, just showing you what a shitty life you and your mom have.” She smiled at me and it took everything I had not to jump off the swing and punch her. Instead I grabbed the rope tighter in my hands, deciding to ignore her.
“You should just run away like your father. Then your mom would be accepted back into the family and not have to worry about money ever again.”
I didn’t look at her and give her the satisfaction of making me cry. I felt her gaze burning into my skull, but I wasn’t going to give in.
“Or maybe kill yourself, that would be easier so your mom doesn’t have to pretend to love you and call the police to look for you.” She laughed and then turned around and walked back towards the house.
Suddenly the small knife I always kept with me felt heavy in my pocket. I took it out and tested the tip of the blade against the flesh underneath my thumb. The knife slid against my skin like butter leaving a trail of warm blood trickling down my arm. I poised the blade to my wrist to slice deep and up my arm.
“Please don’t do that.”
I dropped the knife and my head snapped in the direction of the voice.
“Who are you? I wasn’t going to do anything. Why are you even in my backyard? You’re trespassing.”
He just smiled at me, it wasn’t cruel like Meg’s. It was sad and understanding.
“I heard what she said to you. Everyone deserves to live, she had no right to tell you that.”
I glanced down at my wrist where I nicked the side of it when I was surprised. I wrapped my hand around it to stop the blood from coming out.
“You don’t know anything.”
He lifted his arm and twisted his wrist so I could see multiple scars up and down his arms. He smiled again, “I know more than you might think. People will miss you, think about what you’re doing before you do it.” He walked toward me and picked up my knife and handed it to me.
“I know I’d miss you if you left this world.” He turned and walked through the bushes.
I was stunned speechless. I put my knife in my back pocket and went inside. I tried to act like nothing was wrong. I even smiled at Meg which pissed her off, and made me a little happier.
Whenever things got bad and I took out my knife to try to end things that boy with the sad blue eyes came into my thoughts and I couldn’t slide the blade against my skin. I looked for him around town and even at school when it started in the fall but I never saw him again.
That is until I saw his picture in the newspaper.
The obituary picture had him smiling, his blue eyes void of sadness. It made me yearn to know him then, before the sadness clouded his eyes. The obituary told the story of his battle with depression and then cancer struck. He made a heroic effort during chemotherapy but his body could take the treatment anymore.
***
I have the picture of him from the newspaper nailed to the tree. Flowers grow underneath it every spring and it reminds me of how he saved my life that day. On those bad days I go out to the swing and look at his picture. He’s my inspiration for life. I’ll see him one day when I die and I’ll thank him for those few minutes in my life. Thank him for letting me have a life to thank him for.
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